Beanies Are Babyish



Hairnets keep things in place

Caps are con artists

Indecisive little shits, who

Don’t want to be pinned down

Derbies are dumbfounded

Stovepipes are bearded with warts

Stocking caps muffle their words

Then get lost in the snow

Unless they have a tassel

Then they cause a hassle

Hair ties hate scalps

Fedoras sing like Sinatra

Drink like Dean, Dance like Sammy

Trucker’s caps have stinky-ass breath

And wake up with hangovers

Bonnets are prudes

Berets fake French

And are prone to Be-Bopping

Nightcaps, really, is anyone that perverted?

Turbans turn the facts around

Pork pies are chubsters

Veils don’t know how to do their makeup

Fezzes hide their bald spots

Helmets beat things up

Then claim self-defense

Are into a cult called Game Time

Where priests dish out penalties

Panamas reek like cigars

Stetsons talk very slowly

Like they mean something

But it’s all just sweaty nothings

Visors are all the wiser

Unless it’s raining

Then they dumb down

Beanies are babyish




23 Comments on “Beanies Are Babyish

  1. Hats. Who knew? Nice poem. Thanks also for your not so recent follow! Keep up the good work.


  2. My gawd, what a wonderful picture. And I loved the reference to the Rat Pack. This is so adorable. You really know how to give clothes a personality of their own! LOL


  3. I do believe these poems deserve their own book. Please let me know as soon as it is published!


  4. Thanks. I don’t know whether I should include these poems in an anthology among the others or have them as a separate chapbook. Any suggestions?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. These are my favourite posts! I always look forward to finding out more about the articles of clothing (and the people) in my life

    Liked by 1 person

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