Beanies Are Babyish



Hairnets keep things in place

Caps are con artists

Indecisive little shits, who

Don’t want to be pinned down

Derbies are dumbfounded

Stovepipes are bearded with warts

Stocking caps muffle their words

Then get lost in the snow

Unless they have a tassel

Then they cause a hassle

Hair ties hate scalps

Fedoras sing like Sinatra

Drink like Dean, Dance like Sammy

Trucker’s caps have stinky-ass breath

And wake up with hangovers

Bonnets are prudes

Berets fake French

And are prone to Be-Bopping

Nightcaps, really, is anyone that perverted?

Turbans turn the facts around

Pork pies are chubsters

Veils don’t know how to do their makeup

Fezzes hide their bald spots

Helmets beat things up

Then claim self-defense

Are into a cult called Game Time

Where priests dish out penalties

Panamas reek like cigars

Stetsons talk very slowly

Like they mean something

But it’s all just sweaty nothings

Visors are all the wiser

Unless it’s raining

Then they dumb down

Beanies are babyish




This entry was posted in Poetry, The Fashioned Series and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Beanies Are Babyish

  1. Don Ostertag says:

    Nice work! I am afraid I will never be able to look at a hat again in the usual way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Very clever, and I love the pics you use. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Daleen says:

    These are my favourite posts! I always look forward to finding out more about the articles of clothing (and the people) in my life

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Daleen says:

    I do believe these poems deserve their own book. Please let me know as soon as it is published!


  5. cote8050 says:

    That was really great!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So clever. I will make sure not to wear a beanie, but I’ll have to keep checking to see what else I can put on my head.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. A joy to read, Elan – Thank You

    Best Wishes


    Liked by 1 person

  8. grantman says:

    Paper hats are funny
    then they laugh at you behind you back !

    Liked by 1 person

  9. calensariel says:

    My gawd, what a wonderful picture. And I loved the reference to the Rat Pack. This is so adorable. You really know how to give clothes a personality of their own! LOL


  10. talesbytink says:

    Thanks, that made me think and smile, two of my favourite things to do.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. grantman says:

    and of course… Pith helmets are always cocky and have a way of getting you killed!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I prefer those than caps though. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Miz_Akwele says:

    Hahahaha awesome


  14. Dara says:

    Hats. Who knew? Nice poem. Thanks also for your not so recent follow! Keep up the good work.


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