Woolens Are Overprotective



Argyles are in cahoots

With high waters

And can recite, from memory,

Dialogue from Star Trek

Nylons want to make

Believe they are free and easy

But run when the going gets tough

Woolens are overprotective

Leg warmers brag

And want to be looked at

Especially if teamed with cut-offs

Knee-highs play games

But are slipped off easily

No-shows always peek, peep,

and take a gander at bony ankles

Crew socks are players

Dress socks have personality disorders.

They go to church, weddings, funerals

And dinner parties, Otherwise,

They stay at home in the drawer.

Panty hose, Ahh fuck, who named those?

Tights need to keep it together

Stay positive, be sensible, never droop

Or get too down about things

Toe socks get overly attached

Sock puppets are imposters

Never believe them

They are gloves! I swear!

Tubing needs to be outlawed

Fishnets catch more then they can handle

Bobby socks can be found lurking

Around retirement facilities

And should be over the calf by now

Socklets need to grow up and get over it




48 Comments on “Woolens Are Overprotective

  1. Reblogged this on My Grandfather was an Undertaker and commented:
    If you have never read any of Elan’s ‘The Fashion Series’, here is a taste. You can see an entire wardrobe of associations to characters on her blog


  2. I can’t believe I somehow missed this post! I always frantically open my mails and scan through them for your commentary on clothing and characters. I always thought of fishnets as whores in training and black shimmer nylons as the ones who qualified… Reblogging this on https://undertakerstories.wordpress.com/


  3. I love the mundane given life (and much humor, in this case) and will never, in life, look at socks of any kind with a straight face again! Awesome read!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Reven Archer Black: Author of Fantasy & Speculative Fiction and commented:
    Giggling at this fantastic, witty piece by Elan Mudrow. Truly a fun read. Three of my fave lines just to whet the literary appetite…

    “Nylons want to make
    Believe they are free and easy
    But run when the going gets tough”

    Ain’t that the truth.
    – RAB


  5. LOVE the personifications! It takes some clever thinking to come up with that many unique identities for something as mundane as socks! >:P


  6. This is cute, in a sort of Suess-ish way. Definitely made me feel a little happier today.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Nylons want to make Believe they are free and easy But run when the going gets tough / Dress socks have personality disorders… Oh, you DO need to be writing for Disney. I can just picture you writing dialog for something like the dishes in Beauty and the Beast. LOL




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