Laminate Is A Pervert

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Don’t snuggle with a rug

Unless properly vacuumed

And groomed

Hardwoods are bit ornery

but shine right up

When waxed with love

Hook Shag up with a van

They’re meant for each other

Indoor Outdoor likes it both ways

Tiles are squares, most of the time.

Don’t get suffocated by wall to wall

Make sure there’s a bit

of living room in your relationship

Keep doormats outside

They’re dirty little fuckers

An area rug can get over confident

Always put them in their place

Orientals are self-involved

Carpets are cheap dates

Never roll out the red carpet

When woven to someone else

Hallway rugs suffer

From a variety of lengths

Although they’re great at networking

Underlays should not be frilly

Make sure they remain discreet

Baseboards are untrustworthy

They are either hold onto the wall

Or conveniently side with the floor

Laminate is a pervert

Just ask Stainmaster

Avoid a rug beater at all costs

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This entry was posted in Poetry, The Fashioned Series and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to Laminate Is A Pervert

  1. You made me laugh and read it twice.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Daleen says:

    Once again I marvel at your creativity and what happens in your mind! It must be a fun place to be. It gave me a much needed smile to go to bed with, thank you

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Yes. As of this post, I adore you. :0

    Liked by 1 person

  4. GwendlynD says:

    *giggles* Great poem .. I love an injection of humour in poetry, well it’s done well like yours it’s a wonderful thing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. facetfully says:

    Keen sense of humor!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ritu says:

    This is seriously fantastic! Love it!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. calensariel says:

    I had to read it twice, too. Laughed right out loud at the wisdom in “Don’t get suffocated by wall to wall Make sure there’s a bit of living room in your relationship.” You just crack me up.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. calensariel says:

    They have GOT to be doing the Twist in that first picture.

    Like

  9. definatelyme says:

    you are awesome 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  10. DADuff says:

    Creative and funny. A perfect combination.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. claudiachapline says:

    I have avoided rugbeaters all of my life. Henceforth I will avoid poems that remind me to vacuum my rugs instead of writing.

    Like

  12. I’m curious about you, and probably a lot of people are. I bet it’s fun to keep people guessing. So I will make up a guess: male; introvert; oldest child; science background; doesn’t like talking to people on the phone and texts instead; non-smoker but likes smoked foods; rides a unicycle; had a magic set as a child; has old parents who are very conservative; was the favorite grandchild of one grandparent, who had a reputation of being nuts; no second language; writes the “category” poems with tremendous glee as if possessed; sometimes picks words randomly and works them into poems in ways which don’t fit but which seem brilliant because they are so unexpected, and that ends up making the work brilliant. How’d I do? I am REALLY enjoying reading the blog! Part of the fun is imagining how you arrived at the end product. Keep ’em coming! I don’t supposed you are going to enlighten us? Well, it was fun making you up, anyway.

    Like

  13. susanissima says:

    Hilarious! A creative blog at last!

    Like

  14. Good stuff! Very clever and I laughed out loud reading it

    Like

  15. Reblogged this on An Introvert's Outlet and commented:
    A well-written, clever poem… i really enjoyed this one. Take a read!

    Like

  16. very clever! and the photo at the end seals it quite well! haahaa!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Lol! This was brilliant!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Creative and funny.

    Like

  19. vivachange77 says:

    Delightful. I see rugs in a whole new light. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. caitortiz says:

    Love this!! Very clever.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. markspencer7 says:

    This is hiiii-effin-larious! love it.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. crumblein says:

    I read a few of your poems and wow! You are hilarious! I cant wait to keep reading

    Like

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