Honey Bunches Of Woes

Posted on May 22, 2015 by

41 Comments

 

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Cap’n Crunch is part of

Military-industrial cornplex

Shredded wheat is, well, shredded

Post Toasties are shy

But, very modernist.

Life should not be simply cereal

And taken more seriously!

Wheaties get wimpy in milk

Lucky Charms ain’t so lucky

With those alien marshmallows

Rising to the top of the cereal hierarchy

Has anyone really cheered for Cheerios?

No wonder there is a Honey Nut

You can’t just frost a flake

Once a flake always a flake

What’s so special about K?

I’m sure J is special too

Are Bite-Size Mini Wheats

for small mouths?

What is Total adding up to?

Corn should not be a Pop

Or a Mom for that matter

Corn Moms?

Who would turn Trix in their stomach?

Cocoa Pebbles is like

Eating a baby Flintstone

Apple Jacks are drugs

Kix are boring little balls of cardboard

Don’t let Raisin Bran fool you

Into thinking it’s a goody two-shoes

It’s into getting frosted and toasted too

Alpha Bits.

Don’t spell with your mouth full

Chex should practice contraception

Never listen to Snap, Crackle, and Pop.

They’re corporate whores

Does sugar really need to puff?

Grape Nuts.

Only some parts are edible

Franken Berry, Boo Berry

If berries crunch

Don’t eat them

No wonder, there are toy surprises

Honey Bunches of Woes

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Category: Poetry, The Fashioned SeriesTags: , , , , , , , ,

41 Comments on “Honey Bunches Of Woes”

  1. This is a new venture, so it’s very generous of you for being supportive. As a cereal lover, Honey Bunches of Woes made me smile!

    Like

  4. I’m loving this one. Similar to one reader, my mother rarely allowed me to eat the sugary kids cereals, and for that, I thank her. Even the “healthier” sounding ones like Raisin Bran are misleading as you pointed out. There needs to be a cereal killer so we can wipe out these baddies.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you for liking “Seeking the Divine.” I enjoyed your sense of humor in this poem, but I also like its serious message. I think I ate nearly every cereal you mentioned in this poem when I was a child. I was brainwashed into eating them by all the fun and colorful cereal commercials I saw on TV. I did not realize just how bad all that sugary processed food is until I got older. Over the years, I have learned that some corporations don’t care if they sell low-quality, unhealthy, and in some cases unsafe products to people as long as they make a profit.

    Like

  6. Kashi is started as a cereal in the U.S. made from whole grains – read “healthy”. It branched out to snack bars. I keep one in my purse for hunger emergencies.

    Like

  12. Since I was a child, photos of clowns have always left me feeling unsettled, and many years later, they still do. But, I’m glad that I stuck with your poem (in spite the clown image at the start), and read it to completition. Clever and funny — it was a delightful read.

    Cheer(io)s 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  13. In England after the war we had only puffed wheat, cornflakes and Weetabix as I remember. There are so many more now but not as many as in the USA. The big growth seems to be in Free From and “Healthy” brands.

    Like

  21. Pingback: What Inspired Me This Week – Edition 17 | Matt Hollingsworth

  23. Very creative! I go fruit-loopy when I think of all the crap they try to feed our kids! Btw. I was a big fan of that marshmellow leprecaun poop when I was a lad. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Trust me–you’re not missing anything. 😉 Nice post, btw (although that photograph of the conehead clown is likely to give me nightmares).

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Hehe i love this, the opening line is even funnier if you know who captin crunch of the phone phreakers is!

    Liked by 1 person

  33. so true, you should NEVER eat a berry if it’s crunchy! great poem!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. The entire lot is pure “Poison”. Those companies are killing people and they fool us with their marketing programs. Anyway, The Illegitimate Rice Crispy, “Snap, crackle and no pop”. A great read, by the way. Such truths in a fun way!

    Like

  40. As a child, I was only permitted a sugary cereal once or twice a year. My favourite cereal was Shredded Wheat with boiling water poured on top and drained, then sprinkled with sugar and drowned in milk. Now I’m a vegan; I prefer organic, grain-cereal with fresh fruit and soy milk.
    I did like this poem; it was a nostalgic journey. Captain Crunch was my favourite, by the way.

    Liked by 3 people

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