Unfortunate Cookies

fortune-cookie-sayings-14190729-1Unfortunate Cookies – Complete With Translation Errors 

  • Something you lost will soon turn up, like your wife.
  • Fame and fortune will soon belong to somebody else.
  • You will be invited to an extremely boring event.
  • The one you love is closer than you think. Run!
  • Better to press shirt than to bench press.
  • Love is for the lucky and the brave, neither of which you belong.
  • You will live a short and miserable life.
  • Sun always shines brightest during a drought.
  • You will enjoy good health after a long series of illnesses.
  • Happiness is an inside job and you are standing on the outside.
  • Your present plans are finally going to succeed. Happy 102nd birthday.
  • Shit surrounds you because you create it.
  • You never hesitate to fuck up the most easiest problems.
  • Never count one’s toes while measuring one’s life.
  • You will gain something you always wanted, then lose it all.
  • You will have many friends who annoy you.
  • You will soon die, after living, maybe.
  • Your smile is a treasure for your dentist.
  • Long life awaits you in your storage space.
  • You will enjoy many a great poops.
  • You will enjoy a great many poops.
  • You have a deep interest in all that is perverted.
  • All you hard work will pay off, after taxes.
  • You have the ability to touch the livers of many people.
  • You will kill all your friends with your niceness.
  • It’s time to explore new interests, because the old ones are really boring.
  • You are able to juggle large heavy projects.
  • Take advantage of your parents while the opportunity persists.
  • Your creativity will take you to unexpected misery.
  • Luck is the resin of good pipe dreams
  • Doors will be slamming for you
  • If you continually give, soon you will be out of everything you own.
  • You will conquer all obstetricians.
  • Patience doesn’t wait in line.
  • The secret of getting ahead is saving all your decapitations.
  • It’s better to scramble a hen then to fry an egg in your face.
  • You have a repellent personality.
  • Friends are like chocolate chips. You can never stop eating them.
  • The current year will bring you much happiness. Happy New Year’s Eve!
  • Be prepared for big and small things to fall on your foot.
  • Birthdays are like friends. The more you have the more you wish would go away.
  • Anything is possible when you own a large bank account.
  • Wise are they who do not dumb down
  • Your ingenuity will ruin everything.
  • Laugh long and prosper

Your lucky numbers: Have all been used up


a list

23 Comments on “Unfortunate Cookies

  1. Ahh fortune cookies, thank you for making me smile!


  2. True story. Asian restaurant, Open fortune cookie…Blank paper. Call for and get second cookie,
    crack open, Blank paper again. Third cookie … Blank paper.
    Have lived ever since with a Fortune Cookie Sword of Damocles hanging over me.
    Fortunately, I enjoyed this “Unfortunate Cookies” . Well done (or would that be .. UNdone ?)


  3. When in doubt, I go with the age-old practice of adding “in bed” to the end of my fortune…


  4. Your “unfortunate cookies” offer more possibilities for humor – and stories. I like your imagination. 🙂


  5. Reblogged this on Behind The Eyes and commented:
    Sometimes making light of something is so fulfilling providing us with an understanding that we are all connected some way shape or form. This post really had me laughing out loud and questioning why fortune cookies do not say what they are really trying to. Loved these translations!


  6. it happened once– a cookie i opened at someone’s wedding was eerily spot-on. or i was just drunk. loved this one: You will conquer all obstetricians.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. The timing of this was perfect for me! I walked in the door from work ( after stopping for Chinese food and the obligatory fortune cookies). I taped my “fortunes” to the wall, signed on to WordPress, and here you are! Damn, the only thing is, they were good fortunes, and I feel like I shouldn’t put too much stock in them :0

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Kudos to the person who has made a fortune making fortune cookies LOL 🍻 PS I have totally gotten the oops wrong fortune cookie before.

    Liked by 1 person

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