The Real Idiom

9fdbb7212378305c7d832c11b15db8d9A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, should be

A bird in the hand is worth two poops on your fingers, meaning

You think you’re the shit, but actually you are a piece of shit.

 

A penny for your thoughts, should be

A penny for you to stop your thoughts, meaning

Stop being stupid.

 

Add insult to injuries, should be

Add salt to injuries, meaning

Do something very evil to someone while they’re already down in the dumps

 

At the drop of a hat, should

At the drop of a bat, meaning

If anyone flirts with your lover, even so much as winks, you will beat them senseless.

 

Back to the drawing board, should be

Back to the yawning board, meaning

Not that story again, and again, and again.

 

Ball is in your court, should be

Balls in your court, meaning

You’re going to get laid tonight.

 

Barking up the wrong tree should be

Peeing on the wrong tree, meaning

You are bitching out the wrong person

 

Best of both worlds should be

Mess of both worlds, meaning

You’re problems are so big, that you need another world to store them in.

 

Blessing in disguise should be

Blessing in demise, meaning

Your shit out of luck. Go ahead, pray.

 

Crying over spilt milk should be

Crying over split milk, meaning

You’re dating two people and you’re still unhappy?

 

You can have your cake and eat it too, should be

You can fake it and mean it too, meaning

A fake orgasm can be just as fun.

 

Cut the mustard should be

Cut the custard, meaning

Yeah, ok, so you made the grade, but on a very low level of accomplishment.

 

Give the benefit of the doubt, should be

Give the benefits to the doubts, meaning

Believe every stupid thing you are ever going to hear.

 

Let the cat out of the bag, should be

Let the hag out of the bag, meaning

Old news, we’ve already read about it on Facebook

 

I heard it on the grapevine, should be

It’s a pink turd on a bus line, meaning

I’m just about to lose my mind, honey, honey, yeah.

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26 Comments on “The Real Idiom

  1. Your ” Best of Both Worlds.. etc.. ” Just has to be a Winner in BUMPER STICKER wisdom !!

    Like

  2. Ha Ha love it and Heinz Tomato Soup..the only tinned soup I ever eat very, very occassionally and it always screams …don’t..but I do 🙂

    Like

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