The Real Idiom

9fdbb7212378305c7d832c11b15db8d9A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, should be

A bird in the hand is worth two poops on your fingers, meaning

You think you’re the shit, but actually you are a piece of shit.

 

A penny for your thoughts, should be

A penny for you to stop your thoughts, meaning

Stop being stupid.

 

Add insult to injuries, should be

Add salt to injuries, meaning

Do something very evil to someone while they’re already down in the dumps

 

At the drop of a hat, should

At the drop of a bat, meaning

If anyone flirts with your lover, even so much as winks, you will beat them senseless.

 

Back to the drawing board, should be

Back to the yawning board, meaning

Not that story again, and again, and again.

 

Ball is in your court, should be

Balls in your court, meaning

You’re going to get laid tonight.

 

Barking up the wrong tree should be

Peeing on the wrong tree, meaning

You are bitching out the wrong person

 

Best of both worlds should be

Mess of both worlds, meaning

You’re problems are so big, that you need another world to store them in.

 

Blessing in disguise should be

Blessing in demise, meaning

Your shit out of luck. Go ahead, pray.

 

Crying over spilt milk should be

Crying over split milk, meaning

You’re dating two people and you’re still unhappy?

 

You can have your cake and eat it too, should be

You can fake it and mean it too, meaning

A fake orgasm can be just as fun.

 

Cut the mustard should be

Cut the custard, meaning

Yeah, ok, so you made the grade, but on a very low level of accomplishment.

 

Give the benefit of the doubt, should be

Give the benefits to the doubts, meaning

Believe every stupid thing you are ever going to hear.

 

Let the cat out of the bag, should be

Let the hag out of the bag, meaning

Old news, we’ve already read about it on Facebook

 

I heard it on the grapevine, should be

It’s a pink turd on a bus line, meaning

I’m just about to lose my mind, honey, honey, yeah.

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25 Responses to The Real Idiom

  1. Bushka says:

    Good fun…..though, many a true word can be spoken in jest! 😉 😉 😉

    Like

  2. grimbeau says:

    Inspirational! Like inspired, rational. Nice One!

    Like

  3. Ralph says:

    Your ” Best of Both Worlds.. etc.. ” Just has to be a Winner in BUMPER STICKER wisdom !!

    Like

  4. Sona Rulz says:

    hahahaha
    u made my day….. night

    Like

  5. That was great. 🙂

    Like

  6. This is very funny – my sense of humor. Love it!

    Like

  7. Tracey Lynn says:

    First one is my favorite. Thanks for the laugh!

    Like

  8. Nadine says:

    That was really funny 😀 😀

    Like

  9. Bwahahah! Funny! Loved it!

    Like

  10. I like to see a cliché whopped upside its head and left sprawling, very entertaining!

    Like

  11. DuPe says:

    Reblogged this on dupewrites and commented:
    The science of the idioms

    Like

  12. hbhatnagar says:

    Salt to injuries is actually a Hindi idiom…..

    Liked by 1 person

  13. blondieaka says:

    Ha Ha love it and Heinz Tomato Soup..the only tinned soup I ever eat very, very occassionally and it always screams …don’t..but I do 🙂

    Like

  14. Rich one..loved it 🙂

    Like

  15. ChardeKing says:

    Extremely hilarious I did enjoy this and I am still smiling as I type this comment. Great stuff here! I think I may stay a while. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Clare says:

    😂😂😂👍

    Like

  17. elinjonna says:

    Wow i laughed out loud! You’re so good with words! This is golden! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  18. jimmyprime says:

    Not again and again. So inspiring

    Like

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