Elan Mudrow
Smidgens
American Grocery List
- Broccoli
- Carrots
- Romaine Lettuce
- Avocado
- Spinach
- Mary’s Virgin Olive Oil
- Dave’s Corporate Fiber Bread
- Weightwatchers scammy little peanut chipotle BBQ tempeh tenders
- Red Wine, preferably under ten dollars
- Soy curly fries
- Buy a salad, premade, in a plastic bag
- Put back the broccoli, carrots, lettuce, and spinach
- Buy Wishbone Blue Cheese Ranchy-like chunky salad dressing
- Buy Tony’s Frozen Pizza with cheese inside the crust, topped with exotic free-range animal meat
- Put back the Weightwatchers in the “Unhealthy” frozen section that for some strange reason needs to be separate from the “healthy” frozen section. The only determining factor is price.
- Buy Jo Jos- topped with chemically treated fake jalapeño gooey sauce
- Put back Mary’s virgin olive oil and the soy curly fries
- Buy a case of Budweiser or equivalent that’s on sale
- Put back red wine or not, THEN pause, making it look like you are deliberating on the issue of wine or beer for a half an hour, so it looks like you’re making important decisions.
- 2 pounds of hamburger with the highest possible fat content
- Wonder Bread 100% Whole Wheat genetically engineered Hamburger buns with seeds from unknown nuts, newly invented, imported, grown in the wilds of the Falklands and pieced together in Shanghai.
- Pretend you’re boycotting Dave’s Corporate Fiber bread, place it back on the appropriate shelf, with a little extra slam, finishing off with an angry look on your face, making sure you’re noticed by the nerd at the peanut butter grinding machine.
- Keep the avocado and let it rot on the kitchen counter
163 Comments on “American Grocery List”
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Elan Mudrow 
Welcome to my world!
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I love this so much I just reblogged it — hope you enjoy how it looks on my site & that it brings you lots of new readers 🙂
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Reblogged this on Happiness Between Tails by da-AL and commented:
Guest Blog Post: American Grocery List by Elan Mudrow
Tired of taking food too seriously? Let blogger Elan Mudrow help…
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Very funny. First time here…won’t be my last. I write comedy,too. Come see me sometime.
Greetings from Texas,
LK
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Haha! Glad I’m not the only one.
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The red wine under $10 is totally me! Lol. I’ll stand their contemplating if it is needed but it is definitely always needed after a long week.
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yummy
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I missed this. Your sir, are an entertaining fellow
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Authentically entertaining. Will be ever learn?
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Reblogged this on Grocery LTD.
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I like it!
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Reblogged this on ArtReach at Home and commented:
Reblogged from tricksterchase.com. Thanks Elan Mudrow for a fun, satirical list that many of us have had a part in!
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Thanks for a fun read! I’m reblogging! For a “Senior Moment” Stop at #6. Pay for groceries. Drive gas-guzzling SUV back home, ignoring that nagging feeling that you forgot something. Once home, remember #7. Drive back to store. Complete rest of steps. Return home too exhausted to publish fresh content on personal blog. Reblog someone else’s creative post. Whew! Thanks!
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