American Grocery List

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  1. Broccoli
  2. Carrots
  3. Romaine Lettuce
  4. Avocado
  5. Spinach
  6. Mary’s Virgin Olive Oil
  7. Dave’s Corporate Fiber Bread
  8. Weightwatchers scammy little peanut chipotle BBQ tempeh tenders
  9. Red Wine, preferably under ten dollars
  10. Soy curly fries
  11. Buy a salad, premade, in a plastic bag
  12. Put back the broccoli, carrots, lettuce, and spinach
  13. Buy Wishbone Blue Cheese Ranchy-like chunky salad dressing
  14. Buy Tony’s Frozen Pizza with cheese inside the crust, topped with exotic free-range animal meat
  15. Put back the Weightwatchers in the “Unhealthy” frozen section that for some strange reason needs to be separate from the “healthy” frozen section. The only determining factor is price.
  16. Buy Jo Jos- topped with chemically treated fake jalapeño gooey sauce
  17. Put back Mary’s virgin olive oil and the soy curly fries
  18. Buy a case of Budweiser or equivalent that’s on sale
  19. Put back red wine or not, THEN pause, making it look like you are deliberating on the issue of wine or beer for a half an hour, so it looks like you’re making important decisions.
  20. 2 pounds of hamburger with the highest possible fat content
  21. Wonder Bread 100% Whole Wheat genetically engineered Hamburger buns with seeds from unknown nuts, newly invented, imported, grown in the wilds of the Falklands and pieced together in Shanghai.
  22. Pretend you’re boycotting Dave’s Corporate Fiber bread, place it back on the appropriate shelf, with a little extra slam, finishing off with an angry look on your face, making sure you’re noticed by the nerd at the peanut butter grinding machine.
  23. Keep the avocado and let it rot on the kitchen counter

 

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154 Responses to American Grocery List

  1. John says:

    Quite the impressive list. I applaud your diligence. For your consideration, #1 on my list would be “Call out for pizza delivery.”

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Ashley Frew says:

    Hey, I always go in knowing I won’t settle for anything other than the $3 cabernet sauvignon. Haha! Fun read🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. cynjorg says:

    Or, you buy the broccoli and spinach and let them rot along with the avocado, while the bag of snack sized Snickers you bought because one is only 40 calories, gets eaten in one day! Loved this!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sounds pretty much the same as my UK shopping list! Loved it🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on la samaritana and commented:
    How many of you are doing this??? Hmmmm???

    Liked by 1 person

  6. CompSurrey says:

    Can you answer some long-standing questions about American supermarket foods to which I am trying to find the answers?
    1. Why do you have about 800 varieties of cereal? I am used to eating Muesli and Cornflakes in England and I get paralysed with choice when I look at the cereal aisles in the U.S.
    2. Why are the bakery counter cakes the size of California?
    3. What is Richard’s Wild Irish Rose? It claims to be a wine, but it smells like no wine I’ve ever encountered and my self-preservation instincts stopped me from trying it. Is it really a wine?

    Liked by 2 people

  7. So funny and true!

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Beauty queen says:

    That’s a cool list ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Haahaa.. this was awesome.
    Do show up on my website at etwblog.in
    Happy blogging

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: American Work Day | Elan Mudrow

  11. grimbeau says:

    …the healthy option – wise moves

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Katie Anderson says:

    Lol. The absurdity and waste, I really enjoyed reading this.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. theirvoicesite says:

    haha, gotta love the healthy life. I am Jem and my blog here on wordpress focuses on animals cruelty and how to put an end to it, the link will be down below for those interested. Thanks
    https://wordpress.com/stats/insights/theirvoicesite.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

  14. marple25mary says:

    Exactly. Except I have a black spotted tomato on my counter instead of an avocado.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Mr. Sawatsky says:

    Who would’ve imagined #23 becoming a cultural phenomenon? Very funny post.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. heyjude6119 says:

    Fun list. Here’s a tip, go to the grocery store hungry. You’ll pick out better food.😉

    Liked by 3 people

  17. Ahaha so funny! It’s pretty similar in Australia.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. wolvenchic says:

    This may not be my exact shopping list, but sure as heck looks like a familiar pattern. Pretty funny.🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  19. prsntm says:

    “keep the avocados and let it rot on the kitchen counter” ahahaha so guilty of doing this. Patience is a virtue yet most people can’t wait for healthy food to be edible so they settle for unhealthy “alternative” options in the meantime. This post is dead-on true and so funny!

    Liked by 2 people

  20. klarkito says:

    Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja! Thanks for the tip!… my belly is angry…for hungry. (Lovely mind)

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Hilarious! Had to share this almost everywhere. So typical.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Bindu says:

    That’s quite interesting. Great observation.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Pingback: Grocery List – rexchloeduniya

  24. Tamara Yancosky Moore says:

    Yummmm, chemicals:-)

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Yours Truly says:

    This was a fun one! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  26. #23; oh, the accuracy.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Soft MUMOGA says:

    Oh Great!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. ArtReach says:

    Thanks for a fun read! I’m reblogging! For a “Senior Moment” Stop at #6. Pay for groceries. Drive gas-guzzling SUV back home, ignoring that nagging feeling that you forgot something. Once home, remember #7. Drive back to store. Complete rest of steps. Return home too exhausted to publish fresh content on personal blog. Reblog someone else’s creative post. Whew! Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  29. ArtReach says:

    Reblogged this on ArtReach at Home and commented:
    Reblogged from tricksterchase.com. Thanks Elan Mudrow for a fun, satirical list that many of us have had a part in!

    Liked by 1 person

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