Hair Yell


It’s ok to use a little hairspray

To keep it out of your eyes

Glue it down, rearrange it

Before you lose your mind

And yell at the mirror

Blaming your cowlick

On that worn pillow

You named Mr. Flattie

Throwing aside Pregnant Betty

The pillow who’s too fluffy,

Yet leaves your hair alone.

Hey, it’s sleep or style

A choice many make during the night.

No wonder you’re naming pillows.

But, as you yell

At the reflection of a bird nest

On top of your morning-before-work head

You imagine that your hair is…

The split-ended image of a yell

Swept back, bird plumage, Trump-like

Angry words pushed forth

Ahead of any functional thought

As if the loud sound

Emanates from the pre-coffee era

Or the post postmodern alcohol crazy-shit era.

Making you wonder

Who has control of your mop top?

A Yodeler gone idiotic?

A Cavewoman in prehistoric menopause?

Your coworkers will wonder

Who you had an argument with.

Was it the whole of America?

We’re you poking your nose

in some other country’s junk drawer

Hoping to find a flat iron?

But, it’s more complex than that

You could style it all out

If it wasn’t for the damn bathroom

Louder than any other room.

Who designed them that way?

Why would anyone wish

To listen to shit at twice the volume?

Your toilet yelling becomes whiplash

A blowback, an implant, a fierce shot of wind

You can’t wear a hat all your life

Hoping it’ll protect you from overreacting.

You tangle with the hairspray

A cold mist surrounds your aura

Placing your roots back

Into the mild mold it knows

It’s time to catch the train


Remember, for later, at coffee break

If your yelling attempts to fly

Violently to one side or the other

Shut up

Schedule a hair appointment


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51 Responses to Hair Yell

  1. tmezpoetry says:

    LMAO… with there was Tongue Spray for idiots like him.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Phil Huston says:

    Everyone with hair should style it with a hand-held blender, level the playing field. And be allowed 40 seconds of vitriolic verbal spew beforfe having to face the world and be polite about bad hair. Or politics. Or, more importantly, the vagaries of the pillow manufcaturing process.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I’m so happy that I didn’t see this photo before falling asleep…I would have had nightmares.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. wgr56 says:

    In the instant case, the glue may be too late, because he’s clearly already lost his mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Elan. I like this one. It’s like My Haircut, which I haven’t yet written. Oh, shut up, go and cut my hair already. Okay…


  6. I didn’t think this poem was for me (I have almost no hair these days), but you won me over anyway.


  7. annwjwhite says:

    Political satire. We are humbled before you.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Sue Sable says:

    This is a fabulous piece. On line 27 We’re you poking your nose, is it your intention to state We are you or were you? I really like the playfulness in your words. Super fun, thanks for the insightful giggles.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Excellent! Sharing


  10. Great picture to go with a great poem.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. ajaykohli says:

    Those who have hairs don’t know how to manage ,those balds are dying to have replant ,


  12. HAHA! Xp Nice. 🙂


  13. ladykay1124 says:

    Hilarious! I love it!


  14. agnesmack says:

    Oh man. This is great!


  15. Hahaha! Nightmares don’t scare me like Trump does.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Wonderful! This made my day. 🙂


  17. We have time between now and November to read a book pubished in 1935 or 36, Sinclair Lewis’ “It Cant Happen Here.” A populist, get tough senator is elected president and becomes a dictator. I’ll re-read from the library. Also available commercially, no Gutenberg download.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. And we might have Boris now on the other side of the pond??? Heavens!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. ReTweet from HeyRikus: “All I’m saying is that if Trump really were a friend of the gays, one of us would have fixed his wig and makeup by now.”


  20. Random Reads says:

    Lol! A big poke at Donald Trump 😂😂


  21. emersonsquill says:

    Brilliant comedy 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻


  22. vivachange77 says:

    Terrific! This almost makes the election season bearable. You have a wonderful genius for humor. 🙂


  23. I suspect beneath his rug Trump’s head is like one of those plastic easter eggs…in June…after all the innards have been consumed, rolling around under the passenger seat of your car. An orange one.

    Very humorous indeed Elan.


  24. Robyn Haynes says:

    This clever poem made me laugh. Trump on the other hand makes me weep with despair.


  25. Keigh Ahr says:

    Stand-up comics who mock Trump for his hair without targeting the “substance” of his “message” really irritate me. Your poem, however, uses his absurd ‘do to make a larger comment about his inanity. I really enjoyed this.


  26. smzang says:

    I, too, would have thought “It can’t happen here”. O, I so pray it can’t.
    Just the thought has me considering relocation. A huge thumbs up!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. artrosch says:

    Elan, you should be the poet-laureate of the Mafia.


  28. Pingback: Hirsute Hollering | The Diligent Dilettante

  29. Baaahaaa!!! Love this Elan, but I have to fess up, I have hair just like DJ Trump, the sad thing about that is I am a woman. I can’t bloody shave mine off, I just couldn’t do bald I’m afraid. On the other hand I wish he would take the clippers to his unruly locks, and wash his mouth out with soap which might shut him up for a while.
    We are scared of the Trump down here in Australia, Elan, perhaps it’s all about the hair!!
    I posted a DJ Trump blog on my site, would love you to take a read..
    Glad I found your site, some really rippa reads
    Cheers from
    Annie in Australia 🌞 🌴 🌊


  30. Amusing and very entertaining! I’d love to hear this slammed LOUDLY! ha ha 🙂


  31. koykoyph2003 says:

    Glad I followed you! 🙂


  32. I love this. The hair dilemma. What are we going to find important today? Somedays it has to be more than the hair. But the way the wearer chooses to wear it, in the normal run of the mill, to control it or not, can say an awful lot about them. Naming no names. x


  33. Pingback: Hair Yell – rexchloeduniya

  34. trumpsatire says:

    A droll, witty, practically encyclopedic piece. We all have the DTs now.

    If only he were simply absurd. If only that preposterous hair didn’t look so much like a ridiculous little brush moustache of 87 years ago.

    Let’s all hope for and work toward the best on November 8


  35. rezinate says:

    This should be the official presidential portrait.

    Liked by 1 person

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