Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay

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I sat down for a beer at a bar called “Dock Of The Bay”.  One was brought by a handsome little bartender named ….. Ah, fuck I don’t know. I was halfway through my beer, reading a piece-of-shit novel named Howard’s Hind End when the bartender starts whistling.  I thought what the fuck? This is no time and place to be whistling. There are beers to serve and deep-fried tater tots to dunk in boiling oil. You know, dried up pieces of batter, claiming to have potatoes in them that mysteriously taste like fish sticks.

He must have heard me, because that’s when he, the whistling bartender, returned with a bowl of foul smelling tater tots and placed them in front of some unsuspecting glut who suffered from an extreme stomach protrusion, named in its kinder version, a beer belly. Right next to the plate of steaming heart attack was a small bowl filled with some orangey goo with tiny green alien particles mixed evenly inside its custard. Whatever you do, don’t call them pickles. I was just getting over the initial stench when the tater tot eater started to whistle! That’s right, two blokes from my burb were puckering their way through happy hour, creating a duet that would make Sonny & Cher look like virtuosos.

Hey, I’m trying to read a novel jerk-asses. It may be not a very good novel, but damn, if I want to read something bad I should be given space to do so. You’ve got tater tots to worry about. Shouldn’t balloon man be filling his endless bag of belt-held storage called his stomach, and leaving Mr. Nameless a tip that won’t make a ding in his teeth bleaching bills?

I moved to a table outside and resumed Chapter 33 of Howard.  I read about an uptight woman, who was about to marry someone she didn’t want to marry, because she was accused of winking at a bartender (This is when I looked up to see if Mr. Nameless was lurking around looking guilty), leading her to social ruin. (Hey, it’s a Victorian thang mother fucker. Don’t try to understand.) Apparently, this was also the cause of her picking out bad furniture for a palace. See what flirting will do. And that’s when it happened.

My protagonist, who I had been following through 33 chapters of painful nothingness, who would never touch a tater tot in her life or else she be forced into prostitution, started to whistle! That’s when all the whistles (I mean alarms) went off!

 

One year later, influenced by the whistling encounter, my PhD dissertation turned out to be how incidental inharmonic noise, heteroglossia, and contrapuntal reading led 19th century realism to blossom into Modernism. I whistled a happy tune (In tune, by the way).

 

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21 Responses to Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay

  1. Pingback: Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay — Elan Mudrow | gramirezblog

  2. Nicely done, says he who can’t carry a tune to save his life.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. A truly American experience.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. “It’s a Victorian thang mother fucker” is the best phrase I’ve heard all day. I wonder if it’s ever been used in a Jane Austen book club? …Great read.

    Liked by 5 people

  5. Just Joan says:

    A great story, I could picture every detail in the bar. Love the ending, with the annoying whistling turning into a thesis. I can’t whistle worth a hoot. (Well, only loud enough for my dog to hear, which is the only reason I do it, anyway.) I do love the kazoo though. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Phil Huston says:

    Wait. The “new” cacophony of emerging technology and cultural ideology beating on the locked down Victorian mind, coupled with the stress of mixed or conflicting messages in literature because nobody could figure out what was going on or what the rules were anymore because the entire paradigm changed? Wow. Or was it a modernist stream of consciousness thing about and irritating fat guy and a swish bartender imitating a car with more stereo than paint sitting at the intersection while I tried to have an idea? Nice!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Way to bring things full circle! A very fun and intriguing read! I found this quite entertaining, mostly due to the imagery. I also love the end!

    Cheers! ^_^

    Liked by 2 people

  8. As a lover of that “Victorian thang”, I need to take you out for a really bad beer and some overfried tator tots. Loved this story!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. dornahainds says:

    This reminds of something Hitchcock would make a noteworthy movie for. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I visualized the whole thing in black and white film noir ala Orson Welles, the director not the actor. I think it was the whistling. The Third Man was one of his quirky films, in which he also acted, that featured an interesting zither sound track described by Roger Ebert as “like whistling in the dark.” You’re a bit of genius perhaps, evoking Orson Welles or Hitchcock with a short little prose piece like this. Very cool.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Straight outta Ring Lardner, Phillip Marlow, Pennydreadful. You make dreadful good.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hi, I have nominated you for the Three Days Three Quotes Challenge. More info here https://beautifulbarbadosblog.wordpress.com/2016/09/28/a-friend-in-need/
    Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. simonehanson says:

    Who are you? You can write anything.
    I’d be interested in doing a blog swap with you. You write something on my blog, I post something on yours. It’s a marketing idea truthfully, but I would like to know more about who you are.
    Let me know.
    simonehanson.wordpress.com

    Liked by 2 people

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