Memories from the Ancient Vacation
- My crown was made of construction paper, adorned with crayon-drawn jewels. A gift that was handed down from generations past (starting with my big sister).
- Ribbon kelp, broken sand dollars, seagull feathers, were my minions.
- The waves marked the boundaries of my sandy realm, beyond them, ships teetered on the curve of the round world. Fools!
- My scepter was a lone wooden chopstick, blessed by the sand dune fairies, painted purple with glitter.
- Roasted marshmallows were the staple food of my land, harvested from plastic bags, which grew wild in the grocery store.
- There were morning rituals to be performed, such as the hallowed mini-boxed cereal, opened along perforations. An elixir was added, milk. I would bless the brew with a plastic spoon.
- In my kingdom nothing was saved. Saving was sacrilegious. It was barbaric to wash a utensil and reuse it. Paper plates were saints. So, it was written, so it was done.
- I wore a bathing suit and rubber sandals. It was a commandment from the priests (mom and dad). I was to look as idiotic as possible. That was the way to true enlightenment.
Memories from the New Vacation
- My crown was a snapback cap with my favorite sports team logo, even if I didn’t have a favorite sports team. Even if I didn’t like sports.
- My minions were, apps, emojis and text messages. Even selfies followed me!
- The beach marked the boundary of my condo, where people were known to walk! Fools!
- My scepter was an iPhone, blessed by the corporate fairies called computer programmers.
- Marshmallows were replaced by tempeh, harvested from plastic bags which grew wild in the “natural” section of the grocery store.
- Sugar cereal was banished, replaced by (gulp) unsweetened granola with vanilla almond milk (cheater)
- In my kingdom nothing was saved. Saving was sacrilegious. It was barbaric to be caught with technology older than 2 months. So it was texted, so it was done.
- I wore Crocs clogs, with cargo shorts. I didn’t need mom and dad to help me appear idiotic. This is the way to true enlightenment?