Category: Lists

Lists are fun little non-poems that fool around with language, ideas, and American culture

Leaves

Starbucks banana nut bread Grande Pike, medium roast Trailhead, outhouse, no toilet paper A cluster of campsites within a mile Driving, slightly faster than normal between campsites All other outhouses, no toilet paper Hillbillies with dogs at one campsite give me the evil eye…

Beach Memories

Memories from the Ancient Vacation My crown was made of construction paper, adorned with crayon-drawn jewels. A gift that was handed down from generations past (starting with my big sister). Ribbon kelp, broken sand dollars, seagull feathers, were my minions. The waves marked the…

Spammer’s Delight

Ever look in your spam folder? I have to say that WordPress does a wonderful job diverting spam from my inbox. But, every now and then, I take a peek. The following are direct quotes, typos and all.   Spammer #1- “You know a…

Trump’s Commandments (With personal notes from Donald Trump)

I am the Lord, thy God. (Yeah! I didn’t’ have to change that one at all. Easy money) You shall not deal with any other corporations other than mine. (Or I will force you into bankruptcy) No graven images or likenesses (Unless, I have…

Present Day List

Reality is the root of all problems. Stay away from it at all times. Dress neatly for virtual interviews and dating sites. Remember, it’s all upper torso! It’s a blouse, blouse, blouse world. Think of the money you’ll save on pants! Food should be…

New Year’s Irresolutions

Start smoking (So, next year I can claim the resolution to stop smoking) Join Weightwatchers (How does watching weight help? Shouldn’t I be exercising?) Finish that novel (If only I had started the damn thing) Be more optimistic (This one sucks and I suck…

Phone Appetizers

Attentionator.  Sends out a howling banshee sound when user is about to walk in front of a bus, because they can’t keep their eyes off their phone.   2. Ironee.  Emits a loud warning to the user (and everybody else in close proximity) who…

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