Tag: Comedy

Emily Dickinson’s Refrigerator

‘Twas the vinegar that tippeth Toward the leftover quiche Oh, lonely empty bottle, recycler boon When sun meets to kiss moon— And mustard, your yellows bold A bit old, but still at play— Mummified lime, plastic lined Awaits blessed water of the fizzy kind—…

Beach Memories

Memories from the Ancient Vacation My crown was made of construction paper, adorned with crayon-drawn jewels. A gift that was handed down from generations past (starting with my big sister). Ribbon kelp, broken sand dollars, seagull feathers, were my minions. The waves marked the…

Spammer’s Delight

Ever look in your spam folder? I have to say that WordPress does a wonderful job diverting spam from my inbox. But, every now and then, I take a peek. The following are direct quotes, typos and all.   Spammer #1- “You know a…

New Year’s Irresolutions

Start smoking (So, next year I can claim the resolution to stop smoking) Join Weightwatchers (How does watching weight help? Shouldn’t I be exercising?) Finish that novel (If only I had started the damn thing) Be more optimistic (This one sucks and I suck…

An Uncompromising Editor

I feel a slight brush Of fur and tail upon my calves Then, a head bunt. Mr. Fry is concerned About my Word document My Scrivener, my Office Suite PDFs and printables Sharing and synced Blogged, published, backed up……… Apparently, My prose is threatening…

Virtual Advice

If you’re dating a dud of a download And it’s occurring during an internet outing Find a different server…… Don’t let a rude browser screw up your day We can talk Facebook to Facebook, Instant message me No need to Skype, post, tweet, or…

Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay

I sat down for a beer at a bar called “Dock Of The Bay”.  One was brought by a handsome little bartender named ….. Ah, fuck I don’t know. I was halfway through my beer, reading a piece-of-shit novel named Howard’s Hind End when…

American Work Day

Try to get up Notice in the mirror, as you get ready for work, a cowlick that just won’t go away. Curse at every known god in the universe. Glue it down (partially) with Dippity Doo Ultra Toxic Glue Gel Stop at Starbucks. Order…

Hair Yell

It’s ok to use a little hairspray To keep it out of your eyes Glue it down, rearrange it Before you lose your mind And yell at the mirror Blaming your cowlick On that worn pillow You named Mr. Flattie Throwing aside Pregnant Betty…

American Grocery List

Broccoli Carrots Romaine Lettuce Avocado Spinach Mary’s Virgin Olive Oil Dave’s Corporate Fiber Bread Weightwatchers scammy little peanut chipotle BBQ tempeh tenders Red Wine, preferably under ten dollars Soy curly fries Buy a salad, premade, in a plastic bag Put back the broccoli, carrots,…

You Are Never Gonna Be Written

Well,   There’s a sliver of night That says to me, write However, I gotta worry About evening’s strange plight    ‘Cause,   Night is undependable Unpredictable, and unreliable It’s the “UnCola” ….it’s liable To be too soft and pliable   Bending,   My…

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