Tag Archives: Twitter

Trump’s Commandments (With personal notes from Donald Trump)

Trump Press Conference
  1. I am the Lord, thy God. (Yeah! I didn’t’ have to change that one at all. Easy money)

  2. You shall not deal with any other corporations other than mine. (Or I will force you into bankruptcy)

  3. No graven images or likenesses (Unless, I have full copyrights and ownership of those likenesses. Don’t fool around with me on this one. I’m a jealous guy and if you rip me off, I will not only punish you, but your children’s, children’s, children. That’s how I roll)

  4. Do not take my name in vain. (Or, I will tweet something horrible about you)

  5. Remember bank holidays by keeping them holy. (You will work 60 hours a week and on the pathetic excuses for a holiday, you shall do no work. Instead, you will do all your family shopping on these “holidays” using a credit card. You are to buy so much needless junk, that you, your daughter, your son, your pets, and anyone who just happens to be visiting you, will have to work harder for me!)

  6. Honor thy bank and thy real estate company. (By getting deeper in debt)

  7. Thou shall not kill (Unless, I ask you to. LOL!! It’s sweet being president!)

  8. Thou shall grab thy neighbor’s p…. (Or d…, if that’s what rocks your boat, and if you covet thy neighbor’s house just buy it and kick his ass out on the street)

  9. Thou shall not steal (I can, but you can’t. Unless, the chances are good that you will get away with it and long as it isn’t me your stealing from)

  10. You can give false testimony under oath anytime you think it’s worth it (I’ve done it plenty of times)

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The New App

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Would you look where you’re going?

Dig that head out of your device.

Take a sure step ahead

Or a car will end your streak

Of cute emojis  

Just wait a minute

Put the Me Phone in your pocket

And stop acting like an Android

You don’t need to find out

If Suzy wants to go out on a date

Within seconds of you asking her

You don’t need to ask your wife

If she wants one ply or two ply

Her ass if fine

No, you didn’t find something collectable.

Get off of E-bay!

If you knew anything about collectables

You wouldn’t need the phone!

We don’t need another photo

Of the Taj Mahal on Instagram

No, the filters won’t help

It’s not shaded sizzling blue or

Hot-to-trot California fuchsia  

And we don’t need to see your smiling

Fat head in front of it, either

Instead of a meaningless game

That you must reach

The next level to

Try making it to the next

Chapter of a fucking book!

Stories should not be six words long

Quotes are cute

But on Twitter, they’re

Usually sappy or plagiarized

Sometimes it takes a little communication

To be smart about things

Try talking to people

Just consider it the new app